Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Songs Women Like

Late one night, while out at a local bar, my buddy and I tried to piece together the perfect mix-CD that would make women go crazy. Not the Harry Connick Jr, or Michael Buble', type crazy. But the jump on the bar and start singing and dancing kind of crazy. When researching the actions of a creature who responds only to emotion, rather than reason, I knew I couldn't find a scientific answer for a song's likability. Why did one work, but the very next one didn't? Logic wasn't in play here. There had to be something else. It was like certain songs struck deep within a woman's DNA without them even knowing it, causing them to scream loudly the second the first note hit the speakers. So after many nights of heavy research (and with the help of random tweeters) I think I have finally compiled the quintessential, we-just-can't-help-ourselves, crazy female, holler and swaller 2011 Table Top Dance Mix 2.0 Remix Volume 1.

However, one question remains: do the following songs have the same effect on women all over the world based solely on the XX chromosome? Or are these uncontrollable urges only found here, in the southern United States where this research was conducted? I will be accepting grant money to further my completely unbiased studies. Until then, and in the immortal words of Casey Kasem, "let's get back to the countdown."

  1. Sweet Home Alabama. This is easily the top song on this list. By far. Women love it. It is also one of my least favorite songs of all time. Partly because of its overplay, but mostly because it is an homage to the worst, most backwards state in the Union. Lynyrd Skynyrd, I'm a big fan. But why, oh why Alabama? You had 50 states to choose from, why start at the bottom?
  2. Pour Some Sugar On Me. We all know it from the very first lines, before the music even kicks in: "Step inside. Walk this way. You and me babe. HEY HEY." I think men and women agree, this is one of Def Leppard's finest. Next time you're out and see a jukebox, conduct your own drinking game: play this song and then count the number of women who remain seated. Take a drink for each one that gets up. Then take a drink for everyone that does the "take a bottle" and "shake it up" hand motions.   (thanks @llamasforlovers)
  3. I Will Survive. Ah, Gloria Gayner's 1978 scorned woman's anthem that set the scene for many a Dixie Chicks songs for decades to follow. With a fun, disco beat and easy to remember lyrics, what passive-aggressive woman wouldn't want to dance to this with her like-minded girlfriends on Girls Night Out? (thanks @TLC_Designs)
  4. Blister In The Sun. This song is so fun, it even involves clapping! What's sad though, is that a majority of the sorority girls and bridesmades that go crazy when the bass line begins don't even realize that the Violent Femmes has many more, and much better, songs than this one. The Femmes were one of my favorite bands in the early 90s. Check out Out the Window, Kiss Off, and Good Feeling.
  5. Brown Eyed Girl. Ugh. This is depressing. Van Morrison is such a talented artist and this is what he's most known for. It's covered by just about everyone. It gets radio airplay on pretty much every station format. And even girls with blue and green eyes change the words so that it appeals to them. I have nothing more to say about this song.
  6. Livin On a Prayer. This is a classic. Like Pour Some Sugar On Me, this Bon Jovi masterpiece is enough to leave everyone in the bar without a voice the following day. Try to listen to it with your hands in your pockets. I DARE YOU. (thanks @MiddleSeatView)
  7. Crazy Bitch. The women who go wild for this song are the same ones who may very well stab you in the parking lot. If Jack Daniels is involved, tread lightly, friends. (thanks @loljocks_grimey)
  8. Don't Stop Believing . Now this song is amazing enough to even make me jump around the bar like a little girl. A song that knows no gender and was popular long before Glee introduced it to your children. Not my personal favorite Journey song, but still a unarguable classic. When I posted that I was going to write this blog and needed some song suggestions, this song got the most responses, with many people recommending "any Journey song." That says a lot, streetlight people. That says a lot.
  9. Copacabana. The second 1978 song to make the list. In all honesty, I'm still not so sure about this one. It was insisted upon by @WarmothStrat. He lives in Japan, so maybe it's a hit in bars over there. Here, though, I don't think women have danced to this in 30 years. I could be wrong. Discuss.
Runner ups: Devil Went Down To Georgia, Save A Horse Ride a Cowboy, and Baby Got Back.

So ladies, did I miss anything? Get anything wrong? I know there are people from all around the world who read this, so it would be great to get feedback on which American songs are popular in other countries as well. Leave a message in the comments section. What song gets YOU moving?


  1. I wouldve added something by ABBA. I can never sit still to their songs!

  2. Anything Glee sings these days is planted deep within the frontal cortex of women almost instantaneously.

  3. No, you picked all the good hang on each other and shout out the lyrics while you're drunk songs. If you want crazy nasty table top, booty droppin' dancing the following are required:

    2 Live Crew – Just Shake that Ass Bitch and/or Table Dance (naturally)
    Uncle Luke – Scarred
    Pitbull – Hotel Room or Fuego (pretty much every Pitbull song really)
    T-Pain – Apple Bottom Jeans
    Usher feat Lil’ Jon – Yeah
    Far East Movement – Girls on the Dancefloor and/or Fly Like a G6
    Florida – Right Round
    Ying Yang Twins (ft. Pitbull) – Shake
    DJ Laz – Move Shake Drop
    Richard Vission & Static Revenger ft. Luciana – I Like That
    Benny Benassi - Satisfaction
    LMFAO - I'm in Miami Bitch

    Dang, now I feel like I need to go out and jam!